


Knowing that you feel the same (The best thing in my life)

by DalmaArlissthayr



Series: Buddie First Kiss Week 2020 [7]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, Crying, Day 6 - Because they think they’re going to die/With an audience, Fear of Death, Hospitals, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Public Display of Affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:40:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24616951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalmaArlissthayr/pseuds/DalmaArlissthayr
Summary: The only thing on his mind was the excruciating terror of watching Eddie fall a few feet in front of him, and the frustration of being unable to help.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie First Kiss Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771780
Comments: 12
Kudos: 205





	Knowing that you feel the same (The best thing in my life)

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to another chapter of "WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING LATE" :))))

**1.**

Buck hated his life.

Well not really, but he guessed that being trapped in the middle of a fire with a rebar going through his stomach gave him some liberties. The worse part about all that? He was alone. Being alone was a thing that had always scared him; even before Abby, he didn’t had the best track making people stay. Part of the fuck-boy drama was to cover the fact that he was sadly resigned to spend the rest of his life alone. He hadn’t thought like that in quite a time, and he supposed it was part of that was thanks to his sister and his friends. Now, when he thought about the moment of his death, he could imagine himself surrounded by friends.

There was no one with him. Buck couldn’t remember a lot of what exactly had happened, the only thing on his mind was the excruciating terror of watching Eddie fall a few feet in front of him, and the frustration of being unable to help. Hen, who was closer to Eddie, ran and took him in her arms with a movement that would’ve impressed if the ceiling hadn’t chose that moment to fall over him. The saw the others doing their best to escape the worse of the fire before the building collapsed, which meant that now Buck was alone, with a half functional radio, and impaled on a fucking rebar. _I don’t give Chim enough credit,_ he thought, blinking when a cloud of ashes fell on his face, _this shit is_ not _nice._

He could hear his team screaming for him on the radio, though the quality of the sound leaved a lot to be desired. A single tear ran down his face when he recognized Bobby’s desperate calls, and he wished they had at least called a truce on the nasty fight they were having before the fight, because he knew guilt must’ve been eating him alive.

He didn’t want to die angry with Bobby, he didn’t want to die without knowing what happened to Eddie.

Feeling like his arm was going to fall, he tried to reach for his radio, swallowing a whimper that treated to break from his throat when a wave of pain mixed with a fit of cough, undoubtedly encouraged by the smoke around him.

“Guys…?” He called with difficult, and the radio went silence for two exact seconds before Bobby’s voice came from the other side of the comm.

_“Buckley? Where are you?”_

“I’m… I’m in the lobby…” Buck managed to table “Hey guys, you – you remember how he use to make fun of Chim for the rebar thing?”

_“Buck we’re going to get you out, alright? Try to not move, we’ll be there in five”_

“The thing is… the thing is, I think I’ll not be able to make fun of him anymore.” Logically, Buck knew that the best was to shut up and wait for help, no matter how unrealistic the wait could be. But he was disoriented and in pain and he didn’t wanted to die without at least the voice of his friend to keep him company. “It would be… hypocritical of me…”

_“Buck?”_ Bobby’s voice was broken, and the way he said his name set off an alarm in his head, though he wasn’t able to point out why. Someone was screaming on the background, but he was too confused to really understand. _“Buck? What’s your situation son?”_

“I can’t move…” He whispered “There’s a rebar in my stomach.”

It could’ve his imagination, but he swear that he could hear someone sobbing on the other side of the comm after the words finally left his mouth. He must’ve dozen up for a while, because when he opened his eyes once again he could hear begging him to stay awake. He frowned, confused, and then recognized Eddie’s voice mixed with Bobby’s. It was the first time he heard them sound so desperate, and that was the moment Buck realized that they weren’t going to get him out in time.

“Eddie?” He called for his friend without noticing, wincing when his voice came out as a pathetic whimper.

_“Eddie’s with us, Buckaroo. You don’t have to worry about him.”_ Hen’s voice said.

_“I’m fine, Buck.”_ Buck’s breath got caught on his throat when his best friend’s tired voice resonate from his radio, and he had to press his eyes closes to not cry. He had been so fucking worried, apparently not everything was lost.

Buck sobbed. “I saw you fall, I thought…”

_“Yeah, I can imagine what you thought.”_ Eddie said _“Buck I know you must be scared, but help’s on the way, okay? We need you to hold on a bit longer.”_

“You won’t get here on time.” He mumbled, and as far as he knew, he wasn’t lying. Even with the heat of the fire around him he could feel how wet his clothes were: Buck knew he was losing blood at a worrisome rhythm, and that if the smoke inhalation didn’t kill with first, the blood lost surely would.

_“Buck!”_ Eddie’s call startled him, and only when it did Buck noticed how hard it was becoming to stay awake. _“Buck I know you’re tired but I need you to stay awake, yeah? I need you to stay awake, talk to me, tell me… tell me about your plans for Chris birthday, about that woman that keeps throwing trash in front of your apartment. Just tell me something, c’mon”_

“’M sleepy.”

_“I know, man. But I need you to work with me, c’mon Buck, please.”_

Maybe it was desperation in Eddie’s voice, or the fact that half of his blood was spilled all over the floor, but Buck’s clouded brain decided that he need to tell Eddie something he swore to himself he wasn’t going to say ever. Maybe it was for the best, he told to himself, if he was going to die at least he was going to do it doing something stupid.

“I – I need to tell you something?” Buck said, taking a deep breath. He immediately regret it when his chest burned in response. The other end of the comm went dead silence. “I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time, and I told myself that I didn’t need to, because we have this things between us, when we know shit but don’t do anything about it, but now – now I need to tell you because I’ll probably going to die and I don’t want to die without you know that I love you, Eddie, I don’t…”

_“Hey, hey, hey! Stop, okay, you’re not going to die. We… we can talk about this later, you don’t need to worry because we’re going to get you out of there…”_

“You and Chris are the best thing that has happened in my life.” Buck rambled, ignoring Eddie’s protests. He tried to say the most possible, as he was running out of air and his eyes were getting heavier and heavier. “Please don’t be angry with me…”

_“…I’m not angry with you_. _”_ Eddie said, voice broken, and if Buck wasn’t about to pass out he would be more worried for the fact that he was clearly crying. Buck heard a mumble in the background, and he thought it could be Hen talking to Eddie, but couldn’t be sure. _“I – I love you, too. I love you, I’m sorry you thought you couldn’t tell me, just… try to stay awake, and we’ll talk about it when they get you out of there.”_

Buck wanted to comfort Eddie, to erase the worry and the sadness he could hear clear as the day on his voice. But he was too tired for it, so took a deep breath and dropped his head back, letting his eyes fall close. Buck thought, for a whole second, that he could see Bobby sorting his way through the fire, to him. But as he was almost sleep, and had inhaled his fair amount of smoke, he thought that it was probably nothing more than a hallucination.

**2.**

Buck decided, after some consideration, that he didn’t hate his life that much.

That was the first thing he thought when he opened his eyes and saw the white ceiling of the hospital, a normal occurrence now days, and noticed he was able to breath without feeling like his chest was going to burn from the inside. He raised his hand to touch his chest, absently, and jumped scared when another hand appeared out of nowhere and held his own, preventing him for move.

“Stop that.” Bobby said, and Buck blinked when his brain fully processed the man’s presence in the room. He looked impossibly tired.

“Hey.” Buck said quite pathetically. “How bad is it?”

“Considering a building fell above you and that you had a piece of rebar going through your stomach, I think you’re good enough.” Bobby’s reply was full of sarcasm, but he reached up to stroke the hair from his forehead, so Buck decided that he wasn’t in much trouble. “You give us quiet a scare.”

“’M sorry.”

“It’s okay. You want me to call the others?”

“Yes, please.”

Buck tried to not whimper when Bobby walked away from him, missing the warm hand on his hair. Fortunately for him, he didn’t need to wait for long, his friend walked into the room with various degrees of worry and relief in their faces, Hen being the first, closely followed by Maddie, Chim, and Karen. It made Buck smile, and maybe make his eyes a little bit misty, mainly because he really thought he was going to die alone for a hot second. Maddie ran to hug him, being careful with his wounds and mumbling on his hear like she used to do when he was a child.

He felt Chim standing next to him, the comforting weight of his hand on his shoulders, and allowed himself to let go the sigh trapped in his chest. He was back with his family, far away from the fire and the smoke filled air that treated to take his life away, things were almost good.

Almost.

Buck couldn’t help but open his eyes and look at Bobby from behind his sister’s shoulder. “Where’s Eddie?”

“Right here.” Bobby said, pointing at his back with his thumb.

Buck blinked, and then made an effort to look at where his boss was pointing. Eddie, whose eyes were red and sore and his face white like paper, was standing next to the doorframe, arms crossed around his chest, looking at Buck with shinning eyes.

“Hi there,” Buck said, forcing his voice to sound cheery, even when he could feel his heart breaking for the man. He stretched out his arm in his direction. “Why don’t you come here?”

Eddie sighed, but did as he asked. When he sat on the bed next to Buck, his hands were trembling and he looked like the slight breeze could take him down. Buck stretched his hand and cupped his face, enjoying the little scratch of his beard against his fingers.

“You look so tired,” Buck said “Don’t you know that you’ve to take care of yourself?”

Eddie pressed his eyes close and leaned on his touch, saying nothing. Buck pulled back his hand and gestured for him to come closer, smiling when he did exactly that, shifting on his place so he could lean down and gave him a soft kiss, their lips barely touching for a few seconds before he moved aside to hide his face on the crook of his neck. Buck just managed to wrap his arm around him when he heard – or, to be more accurate, _felt_ – Eddie’s first sob. The next thing he knew was that the man was silently crying against his shoulder, holding on him like he thought Buck was going to disappear.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” Buck whispered to him, without actively trying to make him stop. Having Eddie crying was hard enough for him to try to make him stop, when he was barely able to hold himself together. He saw Bobby’s worried gaze and waved him off. They were okay, just a little bit stressed.

Nothing that a little bit of closeness wouldn’t fix.

Buck thought he could hear Hen saying something like _“he’s okay, let’s give them some time”_ and Maddie stumbling here way out with a mumble that sounded suspiciously like _“did I just saw Eddie kissing Buck?”_ , but he was way too focused on the warm body above him to pay them any attention. He passed his fingers through Eddie’s hair, thinking about those last seconds in the fire, not really surprised when he noticed that there was little he could remember of it, aside from Bobby and Eddie’s voices asking him to stay awake, to be strong for them.

He had been very selfish, saying those things to Eddie without knowing if they were going to get him out of the building on time, he would’ve died knowing that Eddie loved him, and the man would’ve been alone. He would’ve had to deal with the grief, plus all their lost opportunities, because Buck hadn’t be strong enough to die without telling him how much he loved him. Now that he wasn’t dead, it made him feel like an idiot.

Buck let Eddie know this, and he hit him on the shoulder in response.

“So violent!”

“Shut the fuck up, do you really think that I would’ve wanted you to die without telling I love you? Do you _really_ believe I would’ve preferred you to die without knowing that you feel the same?”

“It was selfish,” Buck replied “I should’ve told you a lot ago, and not just because I thought I was going to die.”

“You’re not the only one to blame for that,” Eddie said, voice dead serious. There was a slightly uncomfortable moment when he was shifting around, trying to settle on the bed without disturbing him – or the wound on his side – too much “We took for granted what we have, too scared to ask for more. I’ve known for years that you’re the person for me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do something because I was terrified to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Eddie,” Buck said, leaving a kiss on his head “I’ll love you, you and Chris, forever. And I’ll do everything in my hand to get back to you.”

“I know,” Eddie said, after a moment “I guess it was easier to keep making excuses than actually doing something.”

“Tell me about it.” Buck huffed, holding him closer as they allowed themselves to relax “Let’s not do that anymore, yes? I really like being able to tell you I love you.”

“Me too. Because I do, I love you a lot.”

“Good,” Buck said, turning his head so he could catch Eddie’s lips in a kiss “Because if you don’t all this chat would’ve been really awkward.”

He laughed when Eddie shove him aside, but didn’t let him go nor did anything to get away from him. Eventually, Eddie hugged him again, and the two of them lay there until sleep claimed them, washing their worries away.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this please leave a comment or a kudo.
> 
> Come yell at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/DalmaWriter)


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